Topic #2. White women/Black women
(Showing 21-30 of 30)

21. Not so easy
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 9:24 AM/EST

Hi BBC

It's not so easy telling someone they should not be themselves. I think this is just how they socialize by showing others how much they know about certain topics. Im not very keen on what whites talk about. But from my recent experience it all sounds mundane and superficial. I mean how many times can you talk about the different countries you've visited?

I am just realizing the vast differences in conversation since I am the only black female and second only black at my job site. I am just the type of person who likes to talk casual and carefree. I mean dont get me wrong I chat with my co-workers but I often feel exhausted and un satisfied with the outcome because it is a strain not to bond with those you work with. But it is a learning process.

So you have been raised in an all white neighborhood. Are your three boys from an interracial relationship? Is it by choice that you have little experience with other cultures? Do you feel it will affect your children's view of blacks?Do you have misconceptions about blacks that are the result of not knowing any? Sorry for all the questions but I am curious.

22. Reflection on
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 11:04 AM/EST
criamama

Kikko,

I am sorry that you have not been able to "cross the bridge" in your conversations with whites. There will, of course, be those people you meet with whom you have nothing in common and with whom you will never be able to converse freely with. This fact is true for all people, blk/blk, wht/wht, blk/wht, etc......

To generalize as you did in your last message does not seem progressive and only perpetuates those attitudes all of us are attempting to overcome. I read your message as "us" and "them"> Is this really where you're coming from?

23. Reflection on "Not so Easy"
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 11:07 AM/EST
criamama

Kikko,

I am sorry that you have not been able to "cross the bridge" in your conversations with whites. There will, of course, be those people you meet with whom you have nothing in common and with whom you will never be able to converse freely with. This fact is true for all people, blk/blk, wht/wht, blk/wht, etc......

To generalize, as you did in your last message, does not seem progressive and only perpetuates those attitudes all of us are attempting to overcome. I read your message as "us" and "them". Is this really where you're coming from?

24. Progressive
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 2:47 PM/EST

Oh blacks have tried to progress for some time now, all it takes is a majority to slow the progress of race relations.

If you hear us & them in my post you are probably right. How do we not become an us & them if we see race issues so differently? Predjudice and discrimination are issues that white america thinks are nonexistent today. Until society takes the blinders off there will be an "Us & Them". I'm just so tired of beating a dead horse because the black voice is so unheard in this country.

How do we progress if society treats the minority like they dont exist? I mean can you relate to this at all?

25. Kikko
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 8:37 PM/EST

Thanks so much for your curious questions. First,

I think you could be a great mirror to these women

by pointing out how you experience them. They may

not even know how they are coming across. Your

comments may be the invitation they need to talk

about something more meaningful. I don't take your

comments personally, though I will challenge you

to keep pushing to get beyond the us and them. I

personally enjoy finding commonalities and

building bridges.

So my background - I grew up outside of

Philadelphia in a white suburb. I can remember as

a four year old meeting a black man for the first

time. I was shocked that he looked so different

from me. When I asked my mother about it, she

told me that that was the natural color of his

skin, that we were different on the outside, but

the same on the inside. That answer seemed to

satisfy me completely, so I smiled at him and he

offered to tie my shoe. I wish more people had

this kind of "first memory".

I didn't have any black classmates through my

entire high school and college experience. My

husband is white, but born in Holland, which makes

him a bit different from the typical white

American. I would very much like to have a close

friend of another race. I did have a Filipino

roommate and I worked with two wonderful black

men, so I've had a few opportunities, but not

nearly enough. I worry that my children will not

have the chance to meet more people outside their

race because we have moved to another segregated

area. I try to teach them tolerance. My 12 year

old seems to understand what racism is - his

definition was "when you don't like someone simply

because they have a different color of skin than

you do."

I'll think about misconceptions and write more

later.

26. Misconceptions
Tue, Sep 28, 1999 - 8:54 PM/EST

I've been thinking about this and I think

misconceptions I have probably cross class lines,

rather than race lines. Most people I've worked

with or had personal contact with of another race

were of the same class and I really didn't feel

any discomfort. But I've had no contact with

innercity or poor neighborhood families. If I was

driving in a rough neighborhood, I'd lock my

doors, for me it seems a safety issue, but it

could be stereotyping on my part. I think about

the number of single moms living in poverty and

make assumptions that there are more black single

moms percentagewise than white single moms. I

wonder about absent black fathers. I've heard

about innercity youth who are poor but have fancy

cars and sharp clothes - this for me goes against

my personal values because of the materialism.

So, bottomline, I begin to wonder how much I would

find in common with the innercity poor - black or

any other color. So what do you think? Any food

for thought?

27. My Thoughts
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 8:46 AM/EST

I am quite sure you would have many things in common with poor innercity people. Money is not what makes you, it is your inner being that connects with other people that enables you to bond and grow. I think it is the perceptions of poor people that sway middleclass or upperclass from socializing with them. I have met many so called "poor" people who were poor in money but rich in spirit. I learned from them they learned from me, I have never been a materialistic person and I am quite liberal so a person's financial situation never bothered me. There are rich people who are sadistic and mean so class means nothing.

I dont wonder so much about absent fathers as much as people who stay together just for appearances. Many women are getting beat just so they wont have to be alone and be a single mom. Id rather be a single mom than get abused. Have you ever volunteered as a mentor in the innercity, like work at a girls club or community center? To get a hands on view of innercity life? When I was a member of the girls club years ago, there were several white women who were always there to help and teach, and these memories stay with me today.

28. Class Values
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 12:08 PM/EST

Ideally class shouldn't mean anything, people are

always human beings first, trying to live,

connect, grow. But as you worked with groups,

Kikko, did you notice any themes - differences in

values? Also, I agree that women should not stay

in abusive relationships, but I cant' imagine that

the majority of absent father situations are due

to women avoiding abuse...

When I was working with some teen moms in our own

area, I was amazed to discover that some of the

moms got pregnant by the same "Dads". It is often

older men who actually feel more manly for getting

these girls pregnant, but who don't step up to the

plate and take any financial or emotional

responsibility afterwards. I wonder whether it is

this kind of situation that runs through some of

the high rates of poor moms in the city as well.

Your suggestion for working with the innercity

girls club is a good one, but it's a two hour

commute, not practical. I'll have to look for

other ways.

29. absent Dads
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 11:23 PM/EST
debbie

I am one of those people that had a child, when I was a teenager and my boyfriend found out I was pregnant and left one week later. I think these men are cowards and don't want to face the music. I don't think what class their in matters. My choices were not good when it came to men.I can't go into details because it is very upsetting. All I can say is, when you have children PLEASE listen to your interself and think of your child first at all cost. If you are dating and have children be very careful. What you hear on the news can happen to anyone. All men are not bad but choose wisely. I found one 22 years ago and he is great.-Debbie

30. Black women/White women
Fri, Oct 8, 1999 - 2:46 PM/EST
arol

Hi, I know that today is the last day for discussions. I'm new to the group and decided to save my comments until I could assimilate them. I have so much to say in a condensed form:

Black women and white women have so much in common. Yet there are so many differences. I feel that nothing has really been accomplished here because the majority of the people in all of the posts that I have seen have been white females married to black men. I wish that there could have been more input from black women who have so much hurt in their hearts. This is too painful for many of us to discuss, because we are always judged negatively---particularly by black men.

White females, with all of your purported naivete, it could take years for you all to understand the impact that society has had and is having on black men and women. Not only are black men under great stress, but black women as well. Many of us are having to raise our children without the assistance of a strong loving black man. Many of our men have deserted us for "something better"---a white female. (That's not my opinion). That's probably why black women don't like to see bm/wf together. We have so many hurting stories to tell--negative comments, desertions. My friends and I----both black and white---- could write a book.

Racism has taken a subtle turn here. Not only are whites prejudiced, but black men as well. Some choose not to even look at, let alone date or marry black women. They find unwarranted excuses to desert us.

What about some of the snobbish mulatto children that many of you are raising? What is/are their black parent(s) teaching them or not teaching them?

White women, you have the best of both worlds! You can, with ease, glide into relationships with any black man-----regardless of your socioeconomic status, appearance or intelligence.

The truth be told: black men have different standards with which they behold black women vs. white women.