Topic #23. What have you done to confront bigotry lately?
(Showing 1-7 of 7)

1. What have you done to confront bigotry lately?
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 12:59 PM/EST

This is a confession of my lack of action.

I went to a local barber shop last week. The barbers give a pretty decent haircut and the price is low. As usual, only one barber has an open chair. Since I usually don't have the time to wait I get most of my haircuts by this guy.

He fits the stereotype "Bastan" bigot to a tee. He complains about moral decline due to Clinton's infidelities a minute after making crude remarks to a woman barber there. He questions mothers that work outside of the home. He makes thinly disguised comments about homosexuals. He touts famous Italian musicians like Sinnatra while putting down other music genres, specially ethinic ones like hip-hop, rap. This is a bitter old man, which explains why he is the least popular barber there. On this occassion he told me about the Chinese laundrymat his family frequented in Boston and how clean the laundry came out. Maybe he is telling the truth but I couldn't help but imagine this was for my benefit. Anyways I tried to stear the conversation without directly challenging him as is my habbit. I even tipped him afterwards.

When I went home and complained to my wife she scolded me first for moaning, then for continuing to support this barber with my business, thereby encouraging him. Needless to say I became a lot less self rightious. I thought I ask the group if anyone encountered similar situations and how you handled them.

2. i had one
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:24 PM/EST
alicia

Mine was a while ago. It was just after the LA

riots. I was walking down the street in Santa

Barbara. I passed a white homeless man. When I was

about

10 ft away I heard him say "nigger". I kept

walking a few feet surmising what to do. Finally,

I turned. He glanced at me furtively. I approached

him. He looked away but braced himself for the

battle which certainly must follow such a remark.

I looked at him and asked "Do you need any money?"

He grunted. I dug out 75¢ and held it out. He

tried to refuse it but I insisted. And then I said

"Look, we've got to make this world better. You

can't call any random black person a 'nigger'.

They

might be able to help you out." I asked him his

name. Then I said "My name is Alicia. Next time

you

see me call me that instead."

Maybe he got the message, maybe he didn't. I could

have gotten in his face and tried to humiliate him

or worse I could have physically attacked him. But

what would be the point? I didn't allow hate to

rob me of my self respect. I felt invincible!

3. inspiration
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 9:41 PM/EST
alicia

I was inspired to respond in that manner by a

Jewish couple. I read a story in Time about this

couple who moved to a new town. Shortly, after

they arrived they began getting threatening,

racist phone calls. They soon figured out who the

culprit was. He was a member of the KKK and he was

also wheelchair bound. So they began calling him

asking if he needed anything. Before they went to

the market they always place a call. At first he

was irascible. Then one day several months later

they got a call. It was this man, a member of the

KKK, weeping. He wanted these people to help him

find a way out of his racist thinking. They have

been tight friends ever since. The man has had his

life threatened by other KKK members. But that

doesn't matter to him anymore. He'd rather die

than go back to what he was.

The strongest weapon in your arsenal against

racism is LOVE. Ghandi and Dr. King knew it.

4. life experiences
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 10:45 PM/EST
debbie

I really like reading about your life experiences, even though some are not pleasant. Since I live in a small town, there isn't much to say. People keep things to themselves. I live on a very small street and I been hearing from neighbors about there is another black family moving in. This will make four families. My comment to them is always, so what. They are buying their homes are fixing them up. They are people like us working everyday. They act surprised everytime I stick up for them. When I asked them to save the paper with article of Bill and Karen story, they could not believe that she was my stepsister.I bragged to them before but they didn't listen. People like these have selective hearing. When I hear, that the KKK is going to different towns, I hope people don't waste their time and breath on them. If people stay away and there is no audience then the KKK will not go back to that town. They thrive on the media. When they show them on the news, and people walk by with commenting, I think it sends a stronger message then yelling at them.

Alicia, I think that was the right thing to do with that person. I bet that made him do some thinking. It made you the stronger one and he is the weak one. These few weeks have made me think more than ever. I have always treated people the same but like Karen told me, everyone isn't like me. How hard is it to walk by someone and smile and say hi. Little things do matter. I don't comment on every post, but I like reading them.-Debbie

5. True Courage
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 11:30 PM/EST

It does take true courage to speak up. Your

story, Alicia, is truly wonderful, very powerful.

I've dealt with bigotry at the family level.

My father occasionally slips in front of me and

says something racist - usually something like

"those blacks don't have any self respect, they

move into those new apartment buildings and trash

them". He knows I don't tolerate it, not in my

house and especially not in front of my boys.

Early on I needed to clear a few things up with my

boys. My oldest came home at age 6 stating

"blacks aren't as smart as whites". Very

alarming, makes you wonder what's being talked

about on the playground. So when these things

come up, we always have a talk about where these

ideas come from, whether they make any sense, why

people say them at all and how human beings need

to act towards one another. It seem to be

working.

6. What have you done lately
Wed, Oct 6, 1999 - 7:58 PM/EST

My father emphasized always "letting them know you're as good as they are." This has made life, often, a daily awareness battle. What he meant was demonstrate competence, don't be combative, just be and do it. It's been difficult, often feeling as if you have to "always be on stage." Today, at the post office a woman heard me talking to the postmaster. She asked questions and seemed to be surprised that I live nearby. I'm not paranoid, but I hear the quetion in the voice, the look in the eye. Always, I respond as if I've noticed nothing, friendly, informative--even when it's somewhat personal. Most folk are ignorant of their prejudice, which often is truly ignorance--not knowing- and practicing separation.

Combatting bigotry is a daily routine. I moved south a few years ago and have continuing, sometimes daily, opportunities to practice what my father taught. The "acts" are different from in the north.

7. Bigotry
Fri, Oct 8, 1999 - 2:57 AM/EST
demara

One person at a time, every day. If I can show people that their preconcieved opinions of me, as a black woman, are wrong- I feel like I've accomplished something. I don't limit myself. If I'm the only person of color participating in a voluntary situation, I don't sweat it, I just enjoy myself. Conversations, kind acts, friendships, one person at a time. every day.